I do not think that I have the ability to become one no matter how much corporate training or eventual young baby screeching for sustenance I receive.
As a result, I find that I cannot properly appreciate the quiet morning, its low light and hushed city noises. I am too busy trying to catch five more minutes of sleep as I lay back in bed with my work clothes on and my alarm set to just 15 before I need to be at work.
That peace is lost on me, because at that point, I'm desperately trying not to remember why I hate my bosses.
(9-5 jobs are frightening prospects, but really, I don't think I could have a worse job than my current one if I tried. 9-5 with the most neurotic and self-serving business owners ever there were; Southern hospitality, my ass.)
Like most individuals in my age bracket, sleeping later and later in the day is my default tendency, as it both passes time to get to the more exciting hours of the day, and replenishes my energy levels which never really peak, but instead bring me to an awakeness that provides a startling awareness.
Ironically, I'm typing this blog at mid afternoon to relieve the stress of my place of work. It also makes me appear quite busy.
This is the awareness of small movements.
When your mind is quiet, holding its breath, concentrated to a single point of focus, you might notice things you'd not ordinarily focus on.
Here is an example.
Small, subtle movements,
tiny details on a surface, like the shape refracted light makes on glass,
sounds on higher frequencies,
fading scents that strike familarity that you cannot place.
Your skin puckers with a tightness as you suddenly become aware of it.
Quantum events that occur daily and hourly, by second and millisecond, things that tell you the world is constantly moving, are suddenly comprehendible. Your heartbeat, your breath, the background noise of your office.
There is movement, and it occurs regardless of what you may be doing, wishing, or dreaming.
You are as a pebble being carried out to sea; things have come before you and things will come after you.
There is no earth shattering philosophy as to your place in this world. The who's, the how's, the why's at present don't matter.
You are, because you are existing right now.
You are alive, because you are breathing, thinking, and feeling.
A stillness settles over you like a blanket, and you become calm. A conductor by which sensation and energy passes into you, and through you. You are affected by it and yet you are not.
This focus is similar to the meditations employed by monks in the Mahayana tradition of Buddhism.
Perception and nonperception, something fundamentally contradictory, yet utterly necessary to attain Nirvana.
in this case, we're not trying to attain it, as nirvana is more than merely a state of mind.
I manage this state best in the late hours of evening, courtesy of being a nortorious insomniac. Thoughts from the day need to be tallied and filed, and often I am thinking ferociously for a good two hours before sleep comes to me.
I know that I need to settle these accounts within my mind, but the looming threat of the next work day halts all productive thought processes and often I am left with a wild menagerie that merely needs to bounce around until it becomes exhausted.
I become exhausted. And then I focus on my breath, I concentrate on the cool inhale, and then the warm exhale. Eventually my
Awareness of your surroundings, of you thoughts, of others and acknowledging all of this world around you in complete serenity...tell me if you've noticed a difference.
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